5 Things to Consider Before Asking Mom for Marriage Advice

Our mothers are near and dear to our heart. In most cases they are the ones who raised us and helped us to become the productive adults we are today. However, a question is on the table, “Is your Mom the best person to give you marriage advice?” I pose this question because sometimes just out of mere force of habit and position in our lives, we turn to our parents for advice. Here are 5 things to consider before asking mom for marriage advice.
1. Does mom have a successful marriage?
As full of wisdom as mom may be, you may wonder can she actually give good sound marriage advice when her marriage has been unsuccessful. You make this decision. There are areas she may be able to give marital guidance and others she may not. Mom’s experience in her marriage relationships will sway the advice she gives. Keep this in mind.
Having a successful marriage does not mean she will automatically give good advice nor does having an unsuccessful marriage dictate she is incapable of giving good advice.
2. Will mom hold what you say against your mate or treat them differently after hearing what you have to share?
This is a big one. If you ask mom for advice with a challenge, will she hold what you share that seems to be your mates fault, against your mate long after you have moved on? For example: Your husband is hanging out with the boys more than you would like and you need help with the kids. You share this with mom and ask for advice. Mom gives you advice and is now mad at your mate because in her eyes, he is not taking care of home. NOW, you and your mate work through this situation, moved on, and you’re happy. However, mom now treats your mate different because he messed with her baby girl.
Here again, you have a decision to make. If you know mom has really good advice to share but is unable to separate herself from the situation, ask yourself, “Is mom the best person to give marriage advice?”
3. Will mom keep the information you share private?
You lived with mom most of your life. If you are honest with yourself you already know if your mother will keep your information private or not. If she shares everything with her sister because they are just that close, she will probably share whatever you tell her with her sister too. That means what you share is no longer private and you may end up with more people in your business than you intended.
4. Will mom now try to run your household because you have opened the door?
Your marriage really is between you and your mate. Not you, your mate, and your mother. That is not the hierarchy of the marriage relationship. Some of our mother’s have very bold, strong personalities. If you open the door to your marriage to them, they are going to walk through it.
If this describes your mother then you already know what you can share and what you can’t.
5. Will your mate feel violated or disrespected if you share this information with your mother?
Your allegiance is to your spouse. Their wishes should never be violated intentionally. Ask yourself, if my wife found out I shared _______________with my mother [you fill in the blank], would she be offended? Would your conversation damage the trust she has in you? If the answer to either of these questions is yes, think long and hard before you take this step. It takes an instant to break trust and a lifetime to repair. Seek another qualified source for help if necessary – a pastor, a counselor, or coach.
Moms, for many, are naturally a go to person when it comes to advice. After all, they raised you and look how well you turned out. Rest assured, I am not saying don’t seek advice from your mother. What I am saying is to use good judgment when seeking advice from your mother. Don’t use her as the go to person just because she is mom.